Sex: Before and After

I miss sex.  There I’ve said it.  I know I’m a woman, and a MOM, but I miss sex and I want it back.  With the advent of babies, something happens to sex.  It goes from this adult playtime status, to an issue of guilt. 

When did we last have sex?

Do we have to have sex?

When will we have to have sex again?

It’s kind of like you still need your ovulation calendar next to your bed but now you’re using it to figure out just how long you can go without sex before its considered spousal abandonment.

The whole crazy part of this is, when you finally get around to having sex; you like it.  You lay there thinking:

“Why don’t we do that more often?”

You don’t do that more often because come about 9 pm, when you have the choice of going to bed or taking your first bath in 3 weeks, you take the bath. 

The long evenings of sitting together, cuddling, sharing a glass of wine and then melting into each other’s arms, morph into something much more visceral after children.  A typical encounter goes something like this:

“Where are the boys?”

“Downstairs watching the Power Puff Girls.”

“Quick, hold the door shut.”

After the birthing process the luxury of lovemaking is replaced immediately by rocking, diaper changes, breast feedings and burping, and later by visits from footie pj’d little boys.  It was YEARS, YEARS I tell you; before I slept through the night without having to tend to some little person (baby through toddler). I finally told the boys, when they were old enough to understand, that they couldn’t come into my room unless something was wrong.  How did that go?

“Mommy – something’s wrong.” whispered the teary voice at 2 am.

“What is it son”, I whispered back.

“I…I don’t know”, was the response.

 I’ve also figured out that men don’t do as well without sex as women do.  We start to feel lonely and a bit dismayed at not feeling connected with our husbands but men; men get MAD.  They start thinking they’ve been replaced (which is ridiculous when you consider what we’re talking about here…I mean I love my kids but I’d never dress up in a push up nightie for them (for those of you that know me, I apologize for that visual)).

Men take it personally that you think your pillow looks more like George Clooney than they do.   It really isn’t anything personal; it’s just a matter of fact that the idea of getting into bed at night and doing ONE MORE THING seems absolutely impossible.  You’ve given everything, absolutely everything; giving any more of yourself to another human, even a tall one, is simply out of the question.

My husband and I did go away about two years ago and it was like old times.  The “Do not disturb” sign was already singed by the time we got it around the door handle.  That was when it dawned on me that I didn’t dislike sex, I just wasn’t willing to reduce it to its more basic elements and that was what was causing the issue. 
When we got home I stopped over at a place I was working and everyone commented on how good I looked.

The moms in the group knew.  They remembered that glow.   

On the way home I made one more stop; Wal-Mart.

My purchase:  “Power Puff Girls-The 2 Hour-Movie”

Hey, I’m not dead you know.

Parenting Tip of the Day:

I read in a magazine that boys are more likely to be sexually responsible if their moms are the ones that talk with them about sex.  I don’t know why the research has shown that, but I’m giving it the old college try.    I’m also putting salt peter in their food.  It’s why I get paid the big bucks.



10 responses to “Sex: Before and After

  1. Hey hon—it was in Arizona the right time ? The move to London threw me!! Hope you can visit often. Email me when you can!

  2. Hi D- great stuff! I’m so glad you’ve gone more public with your writing skills!!
    Got your card and letter today – 5 Jan 09 – right on time!!!!
    love you guys…..(tell Jake I remember when he was in diapers!!!)

  3. Ha–Shanda–that was VERY cute. Thanks for sending and isn’t that the truth….d

  4. It is definitely more of an “intentional art” now with kids!

    I thought you might enjoy this video… although you are mostly past the baby years, I think it will still crack you up!

  5. I don’t think he’s read it. No hint to him really–I think he’s in the same boat…we’re both pretty exhausted when bedtime comes (or 8:30, whichever is earlier :)).

  6. All your post did was make me horny. Thanks, D – like I needed THAT 🙂 Great way to approach it, and I hope the hubby gets a hint to read the blog!

  7. It is so true isn’t it?…thanks for the note.

  8. I loved the part about -are the kids outside? shut the door… that is so us!

  9. Sometimes things hit me, and I’m sure you too, that I lie awake at night trying to consider how to broach it. After much of that–I just decided to go for it. Wonder if my hubby will read it!

  10. This is a subject I’ve wanted to write about recently, but couldn’t find the right angle to get the blog going. Turns out it’s because I wasn’t prepared to be as honest as you were. Good stuff. (And soooo glad I’m not the only one…)

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