It’s 10 o’clock in the morning.  I’m sitting here eating chocolate and pouring salt on my tongue.   I guess any woman reading this knows what that means.  I used to not be bothered at ALL by PMS but that is certainly not the case now.  My husband was the first to see it coming. 

“Honey” he called yesterday.

“WHAT” I hissed back.  I watched him start waving his arms.

“Danger Will Robinson, Danger Will Robinson” came the mechanical voice.

The boys know what’s happening.  Today they got up and packed their lunches.  There wasn’t the usual fussing about not having the right meat or the right chips.  Jake even used two heels of the bread to make his sandwich.  I apologized that the bread was all gone and he looked at me and said:

“Its okay mom…we know you’re busy”.

Ewww, that made me MAD.

I try to do everything the books say.  I haven’t had any alcohol (yet this morning), I’m drinking a lot of water and today I actually exercised. But I still can’t shake that feeling that I want to hurt someone; anyone.  I can visualize the bones of my fingers sticking out through the skin of my fingers and am actually excited about plucking my nose hairs later this afternoon.

The only thing worse than the wild fluctuations of anger I feel are my inexplicable crying jags. Like anyone I enjoy a good cry, but to have it in places like the toilet paper aisle at Shoppers Food Store is too much. 

“Ma’am, can I help you?” the stock boy asks.

“You don’t have 2 ply?” I sniffed.

“I can check in the back.” is the concerned reply.

“No, I’ll be fine.” I whispered hoarsely.

People, this is NOT ME.   I have four freaking boys.  I went from leading men to breeding men and I’m a pretty tough mom when I reflect on it.  I watched last night as a mom went rushing up to her son at a baseball game after he’d gotten hit in the leg.  It wasn’t a bad hit. There wasn’t any blood or anything and the boy was twelve years old.  I know that boy was MORTIFIED to have his mom come rushing up.*

 (*note to moms: after about the t-ball stage rushing to your child’s side is no longer cool.  Serial killers have evolved from lesser forms of humiliation.)  

Meanwhile, I glanced over at my boys. The little one was down on the ground playing dead while the others were circling and sniffing him to see if he was faking it.   I have learned not to intercede at such moments, less I disrupt the next stage of male evolution.

I didn’t cry the first time the boys told me they hated me; I didn’t cry when the guy with the epidural needle said,

“What is WRONG with your spine” as he jabbed me the eighth time. 

I didn’t even cry when I sold my BMW convertible to get the down payment for an SUV.  Now THAT was SAD.

Okay.  I get it.  In about a week everything will be back to normal.  I’ll be my cheerful self.  The boys won’t worry about stepping on my toes.  I can get back to baking cookies and cleaning dust bunnies.  But until then I have a much greater understanding of what puberty must be like.  Of course, that’s a WHOLE different blog.

Parenting Tip of the Day:  It took me a while to figure out when to back off from the boys and give them space when they were upset.   That doesn’t mean I didn’t talk to them, but I’ve learned to do it when the time is right.  It takes a lot of patience.  We’re moms and we want to know what’s wrong immediately so we can help fix it.  I read an article that said children feel safest sharing when they are doing hands on activities in a controlled space (like Lego’s at the table or throwing the ball in the yard).  Then you can gently lead them into a discussion on what’s wrong.  I’ve used that approach more times than I can remember with the boys and it always seems to work.


6 responses to “Period.

  1. Eww–B Complex–never even heard of that one. Been taking multis and D (sunshine and heart). Will have to add B…Pretty soon all I’ll do all day is take vitamins and then take boys to sports.

  2. B Complex will help…as long as you down it with a bottle of wine and just try to get through the few days in a numbed stupor! Love the chocolate and salt visual! 🙂

  3. I do have some cramping now too. Just like back in college. Maybe 40 is the new 19 hahahahaha.

  4. I totally am on the same page with you. I sat down and cried one time because my internet was now going as fast as I wanted it to. I think PMS gets worse with age especially after having kids. Never bothered me before and now I am a total wreck and now in the last 6 mnths I have started getting really sick to my tummy and cramping days before hand. I will be overnighting pounds of chocolate if you need lol. Anything to save the sanity and the boys lol.

  5. Oh I thought of you with that mom. Okay–your discussioon of the chocolates is really kind of icky. So come back here in about 10 years and see if the description above isn’t right one target :).

  6. Hello – you know I cannot relate to any of this! 🙂 (EXCEPT the mom who totally over reacted at the ball game. Sheesh, mom! I will tell you offline my hypothesis about moms who react that way. You know I wouldn’t over react if my pants were on fire.)
    If overeating chocolate is indicative of PMS, then I am perpetually PMS’ing!
    BTW I bought NEW Hershey Mint Melts, NEW Reeses Clusters (and Riesen) from CVS yesterday. – The NEW candies sounded good and the Riesen are my current favorite (don’t look at those fat grams!). – New candy was unacceptable – I will give it away for Halloween. SHH!
    Oh and I do not recommend trying Reeses Peanut Clusters and then Mint w/ chocolate. Just not a great combo. Forced me to do a re-test after cleansing my palate 🙂 Just had to be sure to give the NEW chocolates a fair chance.

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