Jersey Hair

I want to thank Sarah Palin.  Not for her obvious dedication to our nation’s political process, not for the FABULOUS entertainment I’ve received from the Saturday Night Live skits at her expense; I want to thank Governor Palin for bringing back big hair.  I’m from Jersey originally, and while I’m sure the Governor doesn’t call it this, where I’m from we call it Jersey hair.  The girls in my family are pros at Jersey hair and now we can once again take to the tease.
   
Women have always liked big hair in a shoulder pad kind of way.  If you have big hair it makes your waist look smaller.  Think about it.  It falls right into Tim Gunn’s fashion teachings of proportion.  If you have big hair you can put ribbons and stuff in it and people are so busy looking at it they forget you’re fat.   You can wear sunglasses in December, big ‘ole banana clips and big, hooped earrings.  Why, now you can even BUY big hair and set it on top of your little hair.  You can match the color, the highlights, the quirky little braids, so even if you don’t have your own big hair, people will think you do.  All you need to pull off that little ruse is a prop, like a can of Aussi Mega Spray (since Aqua Net has gone the way of Fresca) and they’re thinking it’s all you. 

I remember when I first reentered mainstream life.  I went to my son’s school with a fake Coach handbag, fake finger nails with a fake French maincure, and fake big hair, and thought:

“Finally, I’m a real woman.” 

Men like fake hair too.  Of course they don’t like it on their own wives.  But they love it on movie stars.  They look at those ladies with their luxurious locks piled way up high and just tingle at the thought of taking out those hair pins.  I don’t mess it up for my husband.  Let him think that Heather Locklear and Pam Andersen really do have that look when they wake in the morning.  I’m pretty secure in the fact that even when they do divorce next time-I’m safe.

Heather to Pamela:
   “Hey, do you think that guy Steve is still available?”

   “I don’t know Heather-why don’t we call him.”

Of course if I use anything fake the men in this house are up in arms.  I once put fake geraniums in my flower pots out front because the heat of the summer had burned the others off.

“MOM”, my 8 year old yelled in the middle of Michael’s.  “You’re going to use FAKE FLOWERS?”

“Shhhhhhhh…” I flapped at the air looking around for neighbors.  “Just till the new flowers bloom honey.”

“Oh my God mom, I’m gonna be so embarrassed.” he cried.

Lord forbid I put on a bosom enhancing bra and low neckline.  Sam came in one evening playing his Game boy as I was getting ready to head out to a holiday party.

“Mom,” he said while looking down, “can we make popco…..WHOA,” he said as he finally turned his attention to the breathing person in the room.

“Where did those come from?” he said. 

“I’m getting dressed up tonight.”  I explained “I want to look nice.”

Sam looked disgusted.

“Is EVERYONE wearing those?”

Talk about destroying the mystery of the evening.

So here’s to you Sarah Palin.  I’m sure we’ll be seeing you for years to come now that we’ve gotten the chill out of you; and frankly my sisters and I, and every woman who’s a Jersey girl at heart, thanks you.  Now if you could just work on shoulder pads, we’d really appreciate the support.
   
Parenting Tip of the Day:  At least once in their adolescence your child will cut his/her own hair.  It is a passage of rights.  Snap a photo, put the scissors higher and don’t beat yourself up.  When my guys played hairdresser our bragging point was they helped each other with the backs and were busily sweeping up when I came down from taking a shower.  While my words to them afterwards made clear that wasn’t their job-there were a couple of good belly laughs all around.  

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8 responses to “Jersey Hair

  1. OMG that was work. I finally got my header changed and customized thank you for the help. I am still working on it and trying to figure out a couple of things but thanks. Now I can have a more unique site. Please let me know what you think since in a way you had a hand in it .

  2. I have learned from the best :).
    d

  3. Look at you giving tips on how to use WordPress! I am so proud of you.

  4. Thanks I will try it. I want to be able to customize my header for the holidays.

  5. Oh my Sunny–doesn’t bode well when you have photos the next day but you know I hope you got them to “mark the moment”. I’ve looked at your format for your blog and you don’t have a customizable header. I actually got this photo when I googled “Jersey Hair” hahahaha. If you change the format of your page through the design feature in the dashboard and select one with a customizable header you can upload a photo and then change your header as you care too. My friend at leospurr does it and she taught me. Glad to pass it along.

  6. My mom could not say anything when Tooter’s got a hold of the scissors I was at her house and it was her scissors. Tooters managed to cut the top of her hair clear down to the scalp and looked bald. She reminded me of my 89 yr old Great grandfather. Keep in mind this was 2 days before the appointment I had for her portraits to be done.

    P.S. Where are you getting your banners I love them. I want to do a Halloween theme on my page but I do not know how.

  7. Oh PAT–too funny. There’s a grandmom that got humbled and I’m SURE you didn’t say ANYTHING about it :). Glad to see you’re here!
    d

  8. I love the parenting tip. My mom gave me grief for letting my daughter get a hold of the scissors…..until the day I picked her up from their house and saw that she had gotten a hold of one of grandpa’s razors and shaved part of her eyebrow off!

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